Coffee Is Good For Your Brains
by BeyondInsanity
Summary: Roy's Coffee machine has been mocking him. With pretty much everyone going insane, there is only one thing left to do. READ&REVIEW :D rated T just in case...
1. Oh noez, evil machine

Roy mustang strolled out of his office smiling like he was a little kid who just bought a dozen of eggs and was about to throw them at a grumpy old man that lived next door, along with his ugly cats and centepedes. But that's not why he was happy.

"So I'll be right back." He called to Riza and Havoc who were inside his office, doing paperwork. Joy.

Roy grabbed a little plastic cup made of the cheapest yellowish green plastic (because the fuhrer was a... person who hates to waste money and did't want to waste the precious money of Ametris on nice plastic cups for his military puppies), and turned to the coffee machine. He pressed some buttons that sounded like " ZAPONG! DING DING LE SCREAM CREAM POO JAM WHAM SMACK KA-CHICK BAZAK!" so wait. They didn't sound at all. HA.

He placed his cheap platic cup in the right spot and waited for the coffee to come out like a bored and screeching little bird, with a goofy grin. Don't ask.

To his horror, terror, pure dispair, undeniable madness, utter angst and pain, no coffee and out. he pressed the button again, yet the machine just went "PAN PONH POUNG ZAP." No it did't!. Nothing happened. GAH! Then the courtains started tap dancing and the perverted snails crawed out of earth and were about to eat roy's shoes when- The author remembered The military headquarters wouldn't have courtains since King Bradley was an EVIL EEEEEVIL person, and didn't want to waste money on curtains. He'd rather watch the soldiers melt and scream in agony as the sun toasted their eyes with a happy smile on his wrinkly humonculi-like face. Wait- he WAS a humonculus. OH NOES I spoiled it. Too bad. XD Oh yes and the snails thing didn't happen either, I just wanted to type that:D

Roy was angry! She machine was stealing his coffee! It belonged to him! TO HIM! HOW DARE THIS GOD DAMNED MACHINE BEFOUL HIM, THE FLAME ALCHEMIST. Like a person with mental problems, Roy banged his fists against the coffee machine and cried, tears spilling out of his pure(NOT) black eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's NO FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRr!"

Then he proceeded to waltz around the.. place where the coffee machine was... because he was reminiscing about a scene in his favorite movie, The little Marmaid.

Except that movie didn't exist is Ametris! So this did't happen.

"NO ONE UNDERSTAAAAAAANDSSSSSS MEEEEEE! WHYYYYYYYYY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" he cried in agony, as he angrily kicked the coffee table, knocking over some cups that landed on his leg.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGG! IT HUUUUUUUUUUUUUURTS!" he screamed, clutching his knee and falling on the floor. Then he started spinning on the floor like those crazy street dancers.

"No wait.. it doesn't hurt! I have super powers!" Roy did a little boogie and muttered some words in a sing song tune.

"HEY HAWKEYE GUESS WHAT" he yelled at the top of his lungs like a hobo who is pleading for food. No wait... more like... a... Crazy roy who wanted to tell Riza something.

"WHAT..?" she yelled from his office.

"WHAT IS IT?" Roy yelled back

"YOU WANTED TO TELL ME SOMETHING!"

"LIAR! I DIDN'T!"

"YES YOU DID"

"OH YEAH i DID!"

"WHAT WAS IT."

"AH GUESS WHAT! I HAVE SUPER POWERS! I WAS ATTACKED MY CHEAP PLASTIC CUPS AND I DIDN'T EVEN FEEL PAIN! AIN'T I SEXY?"

"that's nice to know, sir. Now go jump off a cliff" hawkeye said.

No wait. She said: "that's nice to know sir. Now do your paperwork."

"BUT THE COFFEE MACHINE STOLE MY COFFEE!"

"OMG REALLY NO WAY" Havoc screeched and ran out of the office, tumbling down the stairs and landing on his head. Which would have caused a concussion and made him mentally retarded, if it wasn't for the fact that his brain was already way too messed up for that to make a difference! SO OH JOY!

"LOOK! LOOK AT THE EVIL EYES THAT VILE CREATURE HAS... HOW THEY GLARE AT YOU PENETRATINGLY LIKE SHARP, DIAMOND NEEDLES AND"

"I KNOW. I SEE. LET'S SUE IT. MWAHAHAHA" Havoc said like... a shark. An ANGRY SHARK WITH AN ANGRY CIGARETTE AND A SPAZZING HAIR DO! YA!

"Havoc.. Colonel..." Riza started, looking at them like they were a crazy shark with a spazzing hair do and a nicotine-addicted brain, and a colonel that believed he had super powers, due to the fact she survived some plastic cups falling on his leg. HAHAHAHHA. Yesh.

"WHERE ARE THE PERVERTED SNAILS! I'LL KILL THEM IF THEY TRY TO EAT MY SHOES!" Ed screeched, hiding his cheerleading pon-pons behind him.

"HEY EVERYONE! Guess WHAT!" Al said happilly then did some spazzing (love that word) dance moved ed taught him secretly, since he was a secret professional dancer of the secret services. Aha. BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT!

"what" everyone said with goofy smiles. Except for Riza, who decided to run away before it was too late, and locked herself in the office.

"I MADE POOPOO-CRAP COOKIES! They are poop shaped!"

No wait. Actually Al said:

"I made ginger-bread cookies! They are poop shaped!"

"awwww! Poop-shaped! My favorite, Al. Thanks!" Ed sang "YAAAAAAAAAY!"

"AND ALSO! I USED LIQUOR INSTEAD OF MILK SO YOU WOULD EAT THEM NII-SAN!" Al clapped his spiffy rubber hands together.

"OMG AL YOU'RE DA BEST!" Ed danced.

"POOP SHAPED YUM" havoc chimed in.

Roy stared at them.

"I WANT MY COFFEE YOU DAMN THINGY!" Roy yelled, about to brag a chair and throw it at a random direction, which he did. It hit the door of his office.

'good thing I left.' Riza sighed in relief.


	2. NINJAS ATTACK IN COFFEE STORES!

ANOTHER INSANE CHAPTER! oh joy. Warning of ninjas!

Thanks a lot to all my reviewers XD though I only have 2 for far, I love you! thanks for reviewing :D

If I owned FMA, Roy ed and havoc would be seen getting drunk on ink! don't ever drink ink, you'll get sick. or will you? I'm not sure. Since we've never seen them do that, means I don't own FMA! NUUUUUUUU.

* * *

Chapter 2:

"We can BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN it!" Roy said happily.

"yay! Poop-shaped cookie anyone?" Al said sweetly to the insane people around him.

"I want one" the 3 (ed, roy, and havoc) said, raising their hands.

"OKAY HERE" Al yelled and threw the tray of cookies into the air.

Ed, Roy and Havoc watched as the tray hit the groud with a loud thud, and all the precious poop-shaped cookies, sprawed across the floor. Shattered, like the hearts of those who had seen the scene (Rhyming? Puns? HOHO.)

"HOORAY! I mean... OH NOEZ!" Al cried, bending down to retrieve a few cookies.

"AL! Why did you throw it..." ed whined.

"Because... because... I just don't know! I think i'm just as useless as the colonel in a storm! I can't do anything right! BUAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I guess I'll go cut up my metal wrists with a butter-knife!" Al cried in angst.

"Awwwwwwwww" Havoc said.

"But Garggle-swamp ate the butter-knife. That cat of yours has issues. All we have left is this spork..." Ed said, looking deeply at the remaining piece of silverware.

"I'M SOOOOORRRYYYYYYYYYY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO! BUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GARGGLE-SWAAAAAAAAAMP" Al cried harder.

"Don't worry Alphonse, I'm sure your kitten is in a happy place, where cats that eat silverware roam happily, somewhere in heaven" Roy said kindly.

"That's not IIIT! I broke the cookies!"

The group was patting Al's back, trying to cheer up the depressed armor.

"Sir, have you all calmed down" Riza asked, peeking through the door. Realizing they were asleep in a corner, surrounded by shattered cookies shaped like poop, she smile sympathetically, approacing them.

Riza thought to herself, 'Even though they are all insane and annoying and , maniacal when they're awake... now I realize that... when they are asleep they look... 2345678 times more maniacal and...anno-'

"AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YOU WERE LOOKING AT ME SLEEPING! I SAW THAT NAUGHTY GRIN ON YOUR FACE HAWKEYE!" ROY yelled like a crazy guy with a crazy mustache that makes him yell louder, because people with mustaches seem to laugh louder, and grabbed Riza.

"Um... no?" she said trying to get away from roy's grip.

"MWHAAHAHAHAHAA GIMME MY COFFEE!" she sang evilly.

"I'll see what's wrong with the machine once you release me." Riza squeaked.

"1st LIEUTENANT HAWKEYE! Want some poop-shaped cookies that i baked?" Al yelled- "HAHAH you thought I was asleep! YOU RETARD I CAN'T SLEEP YOU MORON HAHAHAHA!" Al said.

Ed stared at him, as did havoc.

"you don't usually say that kinda shit." They said.

"YES I DO! YOU JUST DON'T KNOW ME!" Al yelled and jumped out the window. Making a loud hollow "KRASHALABABANG-FRYUEITOCHANG!" as he landed on the ground then ran away.

Leaving Ed, Havoc, riza, and Roy with blank stares.

"WTF" Havoc mumbled. "Well I'm off to buy more coffee. Anyone coming?"

"OH OH I AM!" Roy squealed happily like some mental Jelly Fish. DID YOU KNOW JELLY FISH HAVE NO BRAINS SO THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY ARE GOING? Well, you do, now. Go and tell that to random people and see their reaction. It might be rather comical.

"Hello, welcome to Giddy-Gumdrop-Sack, the greatest and most magical coffee mall in the whoooooooleeeee wiiiiiiiiiiiiiide wooorld!" A rabbit screeched happily like a... watermelon, and Roy, Havoc, Ed, and Riza entered the store.

No wait- it WASN'T A RABBITT. It was a rabid kawabunga guy that got fired from Walmart because he ate all their windows, so instead he got a job at Giddy-Gumdrop-sack, hoping to become one day, the king of pies. Except that's not true.

BECAUSE IT WAS JUST...

A WEIRDO GIRL WITH RAINBOWY HAIR! YAY!

No wait. Oh yes!

"Umm... We want Coffee." Havoc said.

"YA CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE BABE!" the girl screamed, even though she was right beside them.

"I KNOW!" Havoc screamed

"YYEAH DOESNT THAT LIKE ROCK!" the weirdo girl screamed back

"UH-HUH! GAWK-STORM-BADABANGA-LALALA!" Havoc and the girl kept on screaming until their voices died. (how sad. Too bad you can't bury dead voices. OR CAN YOU!) So they were forced to write on the walls with crayons to express their thoughts. Which sucked.

"...!" Havoc tried to scream. So instead he wrote with his sucky hand-writing on the wall.

"PWNAGE. I HATE THE WORD GARGGLE" Roy read aloud. Why do people do that? Usually everyone around them can read by themselves. It's not like they have a story-telling time! WHY WOULD THEY. Maybe they should. Who knows what they'd read.

"But that's Al's kitty's first name. GARGGLE-SWAMP." Ed recited.

The weirdo girl drew a flower on the wall wearing sun glasses and a bikini. Don't know how the heck she drew that. OR DO I! haha. I'll never tell you. SUCKAAAAHs. Just kiddng. I don't know either. Then again, OR DO I! I could be lying the entire time! I could be using sarcasm and you wouldn't know because the people who make computers were stupid enough to forget to include a "Note Sarcasm" button! Or maybe it's the people who invent words's fault! They never invented some thing like , "", ã, õ, or ñ symbol to express sarcarsm! DAMN THOSE PEOPLE! GAAAH! Alright now. NESQUICK!

"AHEM," Riza, who was being neglected for some time (YAY FOR MORBID NEGLECTION! YA!) spoke up. No wait. She didn't speak. She just cleared her throat. Or pretended to. Why do PEOPLE DO THAT! Are they out there to confuse me!

"Excuse me, ms., but we need to buy plain coffee. If you could just show us..."

"OH YEAH! Sure THING! This way!" the girl wrote on the wall.

They followed the weirdo. How foolish of them to follow rainbowy haired people! Everyone knows you can't trust them! SUDDENLY NINJAS YELLING STUFF IS NORWEIGAN PROCEEDED TO DANCE AND THROW SHARP BUTTER KNIVES AT THEM!

"IYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Al tore into the store (sexy rhyming :D yay for me.) "ATTACK MY FELINE MINIONS!" Then a bunch of dirty cats with most of their fur falling off, except for one, who was called Little-Gargglegle-Swamp-the-second, attacked the ninjas.

Gargglegle, yes. Not a typ0. Al has weird names for his cats indeed. My dog is called Cookie sis you know that! UNLESS YOU READ MY PROFILE! And if you didn't read it and knew that anyways, then your PSYICHIC! OMG! You sure are special.

Soon the ninjas were dead on the floor, then Hotaru came out of nowhere and said "Hey Hinata-san! Those were the bad ninjas! I was supposed to defeat them to steal one of their precious ninja items, but looks like Al's cats did that already. So I'll just get the item!" SURE HOTA-SAN!

WAIT- that didn't happen. Sorry Hotaru D:

But the ninjas WERE dead! So the rainbowy-colored-hair girl hit her head and forgot she was evil, and proceeded to clean the mess.

Then she went to show the around the store.


End file.
